Let me give you an example of how perspective can alter expectation: 

Mrs A bumps into Mrs B on the high street. Kisses and family updates are exchanged. Mrs A asks “How’s that lovely daughter of yours?”

“Oh” says Mrs B, “Married, eighteen months now, wonderful boy. Brings her breakfast in bed every day, surprises her with lovely little bits of jewellery, even when it’s not her birthday, takes her out to eat at least a couple of times a week. Treats her like a princess!”

“And your son?”

 “Huh, also married. But boy, did he make a mistake! She stays in bed all morning, she’s always expecting presents – and cook? Don’t make me laugh – only one thing that girl knows how to make, and that’s a reservation!” 

 See what I mean?

I spend lots of time stripping text down to the bare essentials – and don’t think I’m on a high horse here, when it comes to wittering on, I’m amongst the very worst offenders – but we all suffer from a bit of verbal diarrhoea from time to time don’t we? We all imagine the one thing we don’t put on our website or in our brochures is the one thing a potential client will be looking for and won’t find.

 So can we whittle things down and still say what we want – well take Rapunzel:

•       Handsome prince.
•       High stone tower.
•       Small window at top. Beautiful girl.
•       He calls, Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair.
•       She does. He climbs.
•       Unfortunately Rapunzel’s had hair extensions.
•       No happy ending after all!

 Just 33 words – but a very clear message. Why? Well, the  words are so highly visual and of course they trade on our familiarity with the story. Most of all though, they make us smile. And, as you’ll probably have gathered – I believe humour is the most powerful marketing tool we have!

Actually I can rather easily see myself as a fainting goat. What about you? Isn’t there often the temptation, presented with something you really don’t want to deal with to just go “OH” and keel over gently?  My feeling is this wouldn’t be entirely impractical (although possibly mildly unsettling for anyone else in the room). But, just think, whilst lying there, prone, you could do a bit of deep breathing, calm yourself down, think through the issue and not get up again till you felt ready and able.

 Strikes me as a hugely useful addition to any business tool-kit! And, in case you think I’m making all this up and should be led gently to the funny farm, check it out -  the name for the breed is myotonic!

I’ve been using contractions as I speak to you here – they’re the tiny difference between saying I’m here and I am here. But if I drop the contractions and carry on with what I am saying, my tone of voice is going to sound very different indeed. Eliminating contractions changes tone and pace and whilst it will not change the sense of what you are hearing, it will change entirely how you hear it. It changes the flow, the tone, the warmth and most importantly the connection between words and reader or listener.

Small changes making large differences!

~ end ~

 “Watson, tell me what you see” and Watson says,  

“ I look up and I see the infinity of the sky the clarity of the crescent moon and a million points of light as the stars shine coldly down on us. What do you see Holmes?

 and Holmes says

 “I see somebody’s stolen our bloody tent!”

 So there you go, same set of circumstances, different interpretations. When you’re marketing your businesses to your potential clients, are you certain they’re getting the message and not missing the point? 

 How about if I say, I’m sure the meeting starts at 12.00. Think about how the addition of that one word changes the statement. Sure is an unequivocal endorsement, yet put it before a statement and its effect is in fact to cast doubt, making the statement sound less rather than more certain.

Oh yes, words can be pesky little critters!   

However, there seems little doubt that whilst there are those who like nothing better than a captive audience, the reactions of many of the rest of us range from it being a minor chore to a knee-knocking, sweaty palmed endurance test. So in spirit of helpfulness, let’s look at a few things that might come to your aid.

Of course before you stand up and give it, you have to write the wretched thing and if at this very moment you’re sitting in front of a blank screen, fingers poised you’ll be aware that this is often easier in theory than it proves in practice.

Obviously there are always horses for courses. What goes down a treat from the Best Man at a wedding won’t be quite as appropriate as a business conference Keynote Speech. There are though some general rules which apply equally as well to one as to the other:

•  Keep it as short as you reasonably can. You may well have put blood, sweat, tears and the best years of your life into composing the thing, but shorter is still always better.
•  Never start your speech with ‘A’ is for . . .  this induces a dreadful sense of foreboding in your audience who immediately see where you’re going with this and can promptly lose the will to live, let alone listen.
• Do try and start your speech with a small joke, bearing in mind all the while that you’re not on the Edinburgh Fringe, so don’t need to have them rolling in the aisles. And when I say a small joke I mean it – there’s a time for shaggy dog tales and this isn’t it.
•  If you’re lucky enough to get a laugh, savour it. Let people chuckle before you hurtle onwards and upwards. Which brings us to another important point . . .
•  Speak slowly. Slowly and clearly. And do remember, if you gabble, you force yourself to breathe quicker. This results in a lot of swift inhaling in order to remain standing and although an indrawn breath is normally no problem, up close and personal to a microphone, it can sound truly startling.

Don’t forget body language is just as important as anything you’re saying. Raised shoulders are a sign of tension. Not a good look. It’s a fact, when people are watching you, many of them will unconsciously mimic your movements. Bearing in mind most of us aren’t swan-necked at the best of times, think how a roomful of ears on shoulders is going to look. Do everyone a favour, shake those shoulders down.

If you’re nervous, don’t hold any notes. Place them securely on the table in front of you. The sight of a shivering sheaf of papers will unnerve your audience.  Even if you’re not a nervous speaker, your body will still probably react to the situation by shooting adrenaline into your system. This puts you into fight or flight mode – a basic physical reaction undeniably handy back in the ice-age, snout to snout with a sabre tooth. Possibly not quite so essential when addressing a not unduly hostile crowd.  

So there you are, awash with adrenaline and as you’re not planning to fight or run (hopefully), all you can do is accept your body’s only trying to help. You might find it useful to think of this bodily reaction as similar to your kids doing the washing up – well-intentioned but ultimately more trouble than it’s worth. An adrenaline rush usually however gives you a dry mouth. So have a glass of water to hand. Panellists, musicians, actors, indeed anyone who has to perform in public is subject to exactly the same physiological reactions, so be reassured, you’re probably feeling no better or worse than a contingent from the Royal Shakespeare Company.

A glass of wine may help relax you prior to speaking but take into account your own limitations. Sliding gently under the table, five minutes before you’re due on, isn’t going to do anyone any good. Finally, don’t forget to include everybody as you speak. Look up, make eye contact, turn your body slightly to face people. And smile, smile, smile. Most people are instinctively polite, they’ll smile back and you’ll all feel more cheerful even if your speech is truly dreadful.

~ end ~

Setting aside household chores for the weekend isn’t so much a deliberate domestic goddess strategy, more a question of imminent dearth of clean plates and underwear. Have now though whipped in the washing, packed the dishwasher to the gills, given the go-ahead to the tumble dryer, switched on the robot vacuum cleaner and (eat your heart out Jamie) thrown a lot of stuff into the slow cooker which in due course, and with a fair wind, should emerge as a casserole.

Am tempted to fling self onto nearest flat surface for a rest but feel this might be a bit previous and indeed self-indulgent. Could of course tackle linen cupboard which has become somewhat twitchy for reasons best known to itself. Don’t know what on earth’s changed in there but every time I open the door, several bath towels fall on my head, so there’s obviously something gone wrong. However, reaching relevant shelves means standing on a chair and I have busy week ahead so figure a fall’s the last thing I need.

Whilst such rationalization might not work for everyone, it satisfies me and nip upstairs to finish and check some notes and a quote for a client which should go off first thing on Monday. Sadly become distracted by the siren call of Tweet Deck and spend a fair amount of time responding, looking up interesting things mentioned and tutting that so many people are, like me, happily whiling away a whole morning saying nothing hugely important to each other. Addictive or what?

By this time, something’s beeping downstairs. Small, but I hope helpful, suggestion to the technical brains behind our domestic gadgetry. If instead of a beep, the machine could identify itself ie, ‘This is your dishwasher speaking…’, it would save a heck of a lot of time mistakenly trying to force open the washing machine door in mid-cycle. Shall say no more!

Have not started the week in a good way. On the phone to a new client, taking notes, sipping coffee and being consummate professional when large white dog (daughter’s) launches itself from the door onto to my lap in paroxysm of excitement at visiting. Phone heads left, coffee heads right, hang on to professional manner with some effort. Don’t like to shout ‘Down’ as feel this could confuse client, neither do I feel can mention there’s now a new enthusiastic member of the team, lapping coffee out of my in-tray. Decide to just continue discussing marketing strategy.

~ end ~

However, I usually find whilst am still furrow-browed over the name – is that their’s or their company’s? – they’re hitting me hard and at speed with the vast variety of numbers on which I can call them back, if only I could write them down in time.

And of course that’s just landlines, mobiles are a different ball game altogether. And yes, I hear you. I know my iphone can do more clever things in a minute than I can do in an hour. I know it knows who called last, has stored their message somewhere and probably even, to pass the time, given them their own special little ring-tone so I’ll know who they are if they call again. Does this help me – does it heck!

This world’s split into two sorts. Those who run headlong into the arms of technology with little moans of pleasure, embracing each new innovation with fevered fervor – let’s call them the Cans. And there are those who don’t – let’s label them the Cannots.

Cans have their mobile or blackberry no less than 2 inches away from their right hand at any given moment, night or day. They are always poised and quivering, alert to the next beep, burp or ping signifying an email, a text, a reminder and yes, even possibly a phone call. They will, when it sounds, respond instantly – think Gary Cooper, High Noon.

Cannots (and I’m guessing you’ve sussed where I am on this) never really expect their phone to go off in the first place and tend initially to think that attractive little tune they’re hearing is something on the radio. This leads to a short time lapse before they make a belated lunge for their handbag or briefcase. Unfortunately by the time they’ve located the wretchedly teeny weeny object, wedged securely between make-up bag and cheque book and tangled up in spare pair of tights, they’ll of course have missed the call. Should they then by some miracle be able to locate any message left, it will have almost certainly have been left by someone apparently speaking in tongues and at great speed. Which rather brings me back to where I started.

So just a short appeal on behalf of the Cannots. Remember we’re different – not better, not worse, just different. And if you’re a Can and you come across a hot, flustered and frustrated Cannot be gentle not patronising, kind, not cruel and for pity’s sake SHOW ME WHICH RUDDY BUTTON TO PRESS!

~end ~

At women’s networking group meeting. Of the twenty or so present at least a dozen of us are shedding jackets, fanning faces with the agenda and muttering ‘Hot in here? Or is it me? Flipping hormones – whose idea were they anyway?  Mind you, was a bit hot and bothered when I arrived. Of course, in an ideal world you should roll up to a business meeting after a leisurely drive, slide into a conveniently located parking space just outside and sally forth cool, unruffled and in full business mode.

Unfortunately, prior to this particular meeting get stuck in deliberately-placed-on-my-route roadworks. Make it, with minutes to spare, only to find not half an inch of parking space within running distance. Drive around for what seems like ages getting less cool and more bothered by the minute and muttering the sort of words you’d slap the children for using. Finally park in Rhett Butler spirit, if they tow it, frankly my dear …. ! Hurtle into hotel at which point should of course be in a position to clearly, concisely and confidently convey all relevant  business information to anyone who chooses to shake my decidedly clammy hand. Can hear myself making rather less sense than I’d like.

Get home and make a list of things I need to do better, like setting off earlier and wearing thinner clothes. Place this alongside list of things to do today and on top of list of things should have done yesterday. Yes, indeed, am one of those people who, along with the vicissitudes of everyday life, find themselves additionally burdened with an embarrassing problem no-one really likes to talk about.

Lists of course aren’t a bad thing, indeed there’s nothing so handy to guide you round the supermarket as a well-tuned one, providing of course you haven’t left it in the car, posted it by error with the day’s mailing or forgotten to tear it off the kitchen pad. And there’s certainly no harm and a good deal of comfort in a trusty Things To Do nestled next to your computer.

However, we all know even a good thing can go too far and if you start getting twitchy when pen and paper aren’t to hand and a far-away look in the eye as you try and mentally bullet-point items, you can be pretty certain you’re probably well on the way to la la land and need to haul yourself back from the brink before it’s far too late.

Talking of warning signs, opening the chest freezer this evening, am more than a little put out to discover carrier bag containing three tins of pineapple, two tins of a very nice pea soup and a large bottle of Lenor (Spring Breeze).  Cannot for one moment imagine how these could have landed in here, certainly have no recall of doing anything quite so daft. One thing’s for sure though, this small mental aberration must have occurred a little while ago because the tins of pineapple are ready to rupture, the soup is in a solidly sorry state and the Lenore isn’t half as breezy as it was. Worrying or what?     ~ end ~